100 Things I Love (Part 6)

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26. I love not having or owning children.

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It was a choice I made early. The world doesn’t need another Half Of ME. 

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Oddly, people always asume it was a choice and not the consequence of something else. 

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Do what?


I have never been asked about my fertility. I’ll never know the answer.

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So, I’m only responsible for myself and everything I say and do to the entire world.


27. I love shopping alphabetically. Food shopping can get dull.

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So this week I am only buying things that start with the letter A.

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You can lose weight on some letters. 


I also do it by packaging. Next week only tins, mnnn. 

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Tins! Yes!


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Oh Jesus


28. I love having my head scratched. 

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Fingernails comb my brain stems into flowing streams of enlightened consciousness. 

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I think pets are onto something.


 
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Don’t


29. I love Custard. Not to eat, you crazy fools. I like playing with it. You get a bowl of the powder then add small amounts of water until is a very thick mud. Then you scoop some out and squeeze it. It magically turns into a solid. Then as you let it go it returns to a liquid, you can have hours of stoner fun.

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Try it in wanky restaurants. 


30. I love looking for things to put in the Trash on my computer.

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After a good forage I hit the empty Trash button and I feel as if I have lifted a small burden from the world’s digital shoulders.

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Despite billions of dollars being spent to create English language versions of computer operating shitstems we still have American Trash instead of English Rubbish. 

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Shovel this down your gullet you plonker

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100 Things I Love (Part 3)

 

11. I love stopping YouTube videos then shutting down my computer and leaving the house before the person in the video opens their mouth to start speaking or singing, just because I don't like the look of them.

I wish the real world had a similar facility that did not involve violence.

 

12. I love hearing that people who do things like climb mountains, or enjoy extreme sports, have killed themselves without endangering any rescuers or wasting the time of local medical services. Fuck those selfish bastards.

Rigor Mortis?

 

13. I love hearing my cats finally giving up whining and scratching at the bedroom door, as they finally realise once again that I am never, ever, ever, going to let them in, no matter what they want. Unless they are trying to tell me the house is on fire.

Look the kittie's head splits apart and then flames come shooting out. That's not right surely?

14. I love finding a secret beer stashed at the back of the fridge when I think we have no beer left and that I'll be forced to go out into the hot sun without having had a beer before going out to get more beer.

Pictured is an example, not actual product or my fridge.

 

15. I love the pitter patter of rain on windows. However in Andalusia when it rains it's like being trapped in a 40ft empty freight container left inside a Car Wash for a week, or living nextdoor to Enya.

 

 

I Woke Up This Morning

And looked ahead of me and there were the two psychotic cats playing with Skully, the skeleton, and so I took a picture. Then looked at it carefully and thought, is this normal? There's a lot of stuff in the picture, the leaves are from my tobacco plantation, I have one plant and twelve slaves, a very Spanish practice. The other plant eats flies, God knows why.

 

Peace Campaigning Cat Killer

Look just above the top right corner of the Cat Killer warning for a clue as to where the savage beast might be.

Note also the inferred outrage of a body being found near a War Show, that must have spoiled things for them.

Taken outside Co-Op Cranbrook. Tio Pepe is too expensive in there.

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