100 Things I Love (Part 6)

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26. I love not having or owning children.

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It was a choice I made early. The world doesn’t need another Half Of ME. 

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Oddly, people always asume it was a choice and not the consequence of something else. 

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Do what?


I have never been asked about my fertility. I’ll never know the answer.

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So, I’m only responsible for myself and everything I say and do to the entire world.


27. I love shopping alphabetically. Food shopping can get dull.

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So this week I am only buying things that start with the letter A.

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You can lose weight on some letters. 


I also do it by packaging. Next week only tins, mnnn. 

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Tins! Yes!


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Oh Jesus


28. I love having my head scratched. 

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Fingernails comb my brain stems into flowing streams of enlightened consciousness. 

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I think pets are onto something.


 
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Don’t


29. I love Custard. Not to eat, you crazy fools. I like playing with it. You get a bowl of the powder then add small amounts of water until is a very thick mud. Then you scoop some out and squeeze it. It magically turns into a solid. Then as you let it go it returns to a liquid, you can have hours of stoner fun.

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Try it in wanky restaurants. 


30. I love looking for things to put in the Trash on my computer.

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After a good forage I hit the empty Trash button and I feel as if I have lifted a small burden from the world’s digital shoulders.

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Despite billions of dollars being spent to create English language versions of computer operating shitstems we still have American Trash instead of English Rubbish. 

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Shovel this down your gullet you plonker

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