Black Lace singer forced to perform 'Agadoo' for fellow inmates while serving prison sentence
“When these terrifying criminals tell you to do something you Agadoo' it.”
The frontman and now fat bastard of the novelty Europlop act Black Lace has revealed that he was forced to repeatedly sing his group's most famous song for his fellow inmates in the showers while serving a recent prison sentence.
Dene Michael Betteridge, who was an official member of the tragically still-active pop group between 1987 and 1991, recently served 10 weeks of a six-month sentence at HMP Leeds after fraudulently claiming £25,000 in benefits and for making one of the most shit records of all time.
“But these terrifying criminals tell you to Agadoo' (sic) something you Agadoo' it, so we had a conga of convicts snaking around the jail,” he explained. “They all seemed to find it hilarious and everyone joined in. It lifted the gloom somewhat. All the murderers and drug dealers wanted to be my mate, or boyfriend or something.”
“It was all the time, everyone wanted to sing 'Agadoo' with me. It was surreal singing the party song about pushing pineapples up arses and shaking one's tree in such grim circumstances, but people were obsessed with me, they may have even fallen in love with me, which is quite flattering really. At night when we were all in our cells, the entire wing was singing in chorus: ‘Agadoo doo doo’ you're gonna get your fuckin' ed kicked in.' I thought the prison officers would be angry but they found it fucking hilarious.”
The 59-year-old had been claiming disability benefits after claiming that he couldn't walk when in fact he is just tone deaf and dances like a your dad's boyfriend. He claimed he required a carer, despite giving live performances as Black Lace that involved “vigorous humiliating physical activity” on stage in front of as many as one hundred people per week. He also auditioned on The Voice, while last year he appeared in a Walker's advert alongside Gary Lineker, which nobody remembers or cares about.
Kanye West has just revealed that, whilst having a moment of downtime last Wednesday, he created an entire Universe in his head.
“The longest part was coming up with names for all the new stars, it must have taken me close to over an hour or something.”
The megalomaniac boasted that his Universe: “Is as big, if not a lot motherfucking bigger than your Universe, and then some.”
The narcissistic fuctard went on to confirm that his Inner Universe has a star named The Kanye West Star as well as Kanye North, Kanye South and Kanye East.
He talked about his next monumental task. “I will be designing all the clothes for the people of my Universe … and any aliens. Then I”ll be doing the colouring in.”
… fuck it.
These insufferable pricks have been transformed into Acid House gods. I have been singing this in my overdosed mind for weeks. So, now my dears I present this Ear Worm to you on a buttery biscuit base.
I didn't make it and I still like it.
Ok, so Carnaval has just ended. It was a transformative experience for me. Two months rehearsing every night on a diet of booze and cigars, so no change there. However this was team work, 10 men and me, creating a 26 minute kaleidoscopic homage to artisans of the past. I now have a huge bunch of new chums.
The unwritten rule is you drink & smoke for 10 minutes, argue for 5 minutes then play for 15 minutes, repeat for three hours.. However the rule broke down and the equation got seriouly warped, you do the mathematics.
I may have been the first person from outside the town to have played in the Carnival, possibly in the whole of Cadiz, but who cares? I did it and loved it and have many injuries to prove it.
Here I am receiving an award, probably just for turning up.
Yes they are men.
Photos and video courtesy of Clare Lloyd
I can be heard throughout but can be seen coming front stage during the segment starting at 16mins which is a couplet about me being their new drummer/bombo. Oh Lordy yes.