A Minor Alteration (Brutal Tailoring in Andaluz)

It doesn't happen too often thankfully, given my propensity for frequenting bars of notoriety, that I get into an unresolvable disagreement with a fellow fool. Thus it was last Saturday that a gentlemanly disagreement compelled me to turn a chair over a chap of minimimilist logic. He left quickly.

I felt badly afterwards but felt much worse when a fellow patron of the bar pointed out the poorly executed alteration the fleeing fuck-wit had made to my jacket. I was however relieved that I managed retain some dignity; my silk pocket square stayed in place during the entire cuffufle.

I usually remove my hat before embarkation, as this usually signals to any fellow wrangler of my unhappy intentions, i.e. To instill a firm understanding of “The Gooobye Look.” He shall be hearing from my Tailor!


Lovely Thing

Yesterday I went up to see the ruin of a house that I have just bought. The soul resident is a potted blood red geranium burning bright against the stone wall. A flower had broken off. I considered putting it in my handkerchief pocket then changed my mind. It might bleed. So I put it in my hat, and forgot about it.

I walked into a bar. The familiar old men cheered me up to the counter, exchanging curious glances with me and each other, then one blurted it out: “Nice flower!” They all caved in laughing. I imitated a Flamenco dance move, badly, which stirred them up further. After several drinks one of them asked which of the two colours of tissue table napkins I preferred? An odd question? Perhaps some kind of sexual entrapment? “Both” I replied, adding “I like both of those colours of paper.” Seemingly contented with the answer he sat down and fashioned this with great care.