16. I love seeing my wife smile. She does it every single day when she wakes up. On the rare occasion she doesn't, I check to make sure I'm at home.
17. I love watering the pitcher plants every morning.
As an unapologetic, if slightly guilty carnivore, I get some twisted comfort nurturing a vegetable that it eats meat.
Mummy is this where condoms come from?
18. I love the mirror in the bathroom. There is something wrong with it. It has some sort of distortion. If you move towards it you get thinner, if you move further away you get fatter. I'm not sure which distance is lying but I often squash my nose on it.
19. I love having a cold. Two full days is enough, any more than that and I know I'm dying.
20. I love finding out I have gained a day. For example I might think it's Wednesday only to find out that it is Tuesday. The reverse of this makes me feel I've been time burgled.
11. I love stopping YouTube videos then shutting down my computer and leaving the house before the person in the video opens their mouth to start speaking or singing, just because I don't like the look of them.
I wish the real world had a similar facility that did not involve violence.
12. I love hearing that people who do things like climb mountains, or enjoy extreme sports, have killed themselves without endangering any rescuers or wasting the time of local medical services. Fuck those selfish bastards.
13. I love hearing my cats finally giving up whining and scratching at the bedroom door, as they finally realise once again that I am never, ever, ever, going to let them in, no matter what they want. Unless they are trying to tell me the house is on fire.
Look the kittie's head splits apart and then flames come shooting out. That's not right surely?
14. I love finding a secret beer stashed at the back of the fridge when I think we have no beer left and that I'll be forced to go out into the hot sun without having had a beer before going out to get more beer.
Pictured is an example, not actual product or my fridge.
15. I love the pitter patter of rain on windows. However in Andalusia when it rains it's like being trapped in a 40ft empty freight container left inside a Car Wash for a week, or living nextdoor to Enya.
With so much negative scuzz happening I've decided to make a list of “One Hundred Things I Love.” How hard can it be? Let's find out. I will post the loves in small blasts. Please feel free to post yours.
1. I love the first alcoholic drink of the day. It can be anything, anywhere, anytime. It could even be before I wake up.
2. I love hot showers. My technique is to gradually reduce the temperature until it is almost unbearably cold then jump out, that way the room feels warm as I get dressed
3. I love choosing shoes. I choose shoes first and then work upwards to create the outfit. The shoes determine whether or not I am staying out or going in. The shoes rule. I have a lot of different shoes. None are for walking.
4. I love browsing through recipe books.
They inspire me to try new ways of boiling eggs, cutting toast, photographing butter. I usually end up going out for a Kebab.
5. I love cheering all the retards as they shout my name on the street, as if I didn't know it already.
It was early but the temperature was already climbing into the mid 30's so I switched on the garden misting thingy as the church bells rang out 8 AM.
The bells reminded me of my dad's funeral who died at 55 on my 31st birthday. Note to self: I am still alive, don't get smug.
Bish Bash Bosh
I decided to make mayonnaise with garlic, alioli, sod Hellmanns. The picture is not the finished article, just the garlic you understand.
Time for A Latch Lifter
POV of feet and filthy kitchen floor, nice
I am wearing a Jellaba made from an old sheet. I feel and look like a psychedelic hammock: Pillock.
The Alioli is to go with this
I am not pictured, or am I?
A bit weird all this, as it was Fruits De Mer with Chablis and Alioli, which may originate from Provence, so it's bloody French. Still it's all in the EU init? Actually it felt oddly exotic. I might try Fish & Chips soon.
One is now, as I write this the next day, horribly hungover. After Brexifast I sauntered on to a swimming pool bar, and subsequently a series of drinking houses of questionable quality, finally arriving back at breakfast this very morning to another Latch Lifter.
In Brexitlandia there are a lot of novelty named wines like “Old Git.” They are all by and large rubbish drinks but are popular amongst people who like whoopie Cushions.
Anyhow this local Spanish wine is not supposed to be amusing or descriptive but it might as well be both. I drank it and felt funnier after the second bottle.
It's name is Terrible
The fellow in the background resembles yours truly and that Tesco “Value” Scotch Whisky was bought in Soho for about 5 Quid when Tesco where denying claims that they lured customers in with cheap booze. Again, a terrible drink and I had to fight through a hysterical flash mob of Soho Street Drinkers to get my sweaty trembling palms on it.