26. I love not having or owning children.
It was a choice I made early. The world doesn’t need another Half Of ME.
Oddly, people always asume it was a choice and not the consequence of something else.
I have never been asked about my fertility. I’ll never know the answer.
So, I’m only responsible for myself and everything I say and do to the entire world.
27. I love shopping alphabetically. Food shopping can get dull.
So this week I am only buying things that start with the letter A.
You can lose weight on some letters.
I also do it by packaging. Next week only tins, mnnn.
28. I love having my head scratched.
Fingernails comb my brain stems into flowing streams of enlightened consciousness.
I think pets are onto something.
29. I love Custard. Not to eat, you crazy fools. I like playing with it. You get a bowl of the powder then add small amounts of water until is a very thick mud. Then you scoop some out and squeeze it. It magically turns into a solid. Then as you let it go it returns to a liquid, you can have hours of stoner fun.
Try it in wanky restaurants.
30. I love looking for things to put in the Trash on my computer.
After a good forage I hit the empty Trash button and I feel as if I have lifted a small burden from the world’s digital shoulders.
Despite billions of dollars being spent to create English language versions of computer operating shitstems we still have American Trash instead of English Rubbish.
Shovel this down your gullet you plonker
11. I love stopping YouTube videos then shutting down my computer and leaving the house before the person in the video opens their mouth to start speaking or singing, just because I don't like the look of them.
I wish the real world had a similar facility that did not involve violence.
12. I love hearing that people who do things like climb mountains, or enjoy extreme sports, have killed themselves without endangering any rescuers or wasting the time of local medical services. Fuck those selfish bastards.
13. I love hearing my cats finally giving up whining and scratching at the bedroom door, as they finally realise once again that I am never, ever, ever, going to let them in, no matter what they want. Unless they are trying to tell me the house is on fire.
Look the kittie's head splits apart and then flames come shooting out. That's not right surely?
14. I love finding a secret beer stashed at the back of the fridge when I think we have no beer left and that I'll be forced to go out into the hot sun without having had a beer before going out to get more beer.
Pictured is an example, not actual product or my fridge.
15. I love the pitter patter of rain on windows. However in Andalusia when it rains it's like being trapped in a 40ft empty freight container left inside a Car Wash for a week, or living nextdoor to Enya.
6. I love re-stringing my guitars. They jingle jangle with the promise of musical gold. Then I don't touch them for weeks because they's got a bad soul on the mofo tuning!
7. I love making pesto. There's so much basil crawling about here I feel compelled to make tons of the stuff. Then I quickly get sick of it. Most of it is given to friends to throw in their bins.
8. I love smelly unctuous French cheeses. I can never sleep afterwards. When I turn out the lights I can actually hear the cholesterol rumbling through my arteries like I'm trying to doze on the London Circle Line.
9. I love oysters. I only like eating them raw. It's Russian roulette with bivalve molluscs.
One day one of these fuckers is going to kill me but the thrill of it seems worth it. That which does not kill us makes us upchuck.
10. I love red wine but I cannot for the life of me remember the name of a single red wine that I could purchase 100% certain in the knowledge that I had tried it before and liked it. I am almost always disappointedly wrong.
Yesterday was one of my Birthdays
It was early but the temperature was already climbing into the mid 30's so I switched on the garden misting thingy as the church bells rang out 8 AM.
The bells reminded me of my dad's funeral who died at 55 on my 31st birthday. Note to self: I am still alive, don't get smug.
Bish Bash Bosh
I decided to make mayonnaise with garlic, alioli, sod Hellmanns. The picture is not the finished article, just the garlic you understand.
Time for A Latch Lifter
POV of feet and filthy kitchen floor, nice
I am wearing a Jellaba made from an old sheet. I feel and look like a psychedelic hammock: Pillock.
The Alioli is to go with this
I am not pictured, or am I?
A bit weird all this, as it was Fruits De Mer with Chablis and Alioli, which may originate from Provence, so it's bloody French. Still it's all in the EU init? Actually it felt oddly exotic. I might try Fish & Chips soon.
One is now, as I write this the next day, horribly hungover. After Brexifast I sauntered on to a swimming pool bar, and subsequently a series of drinking houses of questionable quality, finally arriving back at breakfast this very morning to another Latch Lifter.
I am now taking this for Gout
On January 27th 1649 King Charles I of England, Scotland and Ireland was found guilty of high treason at a public drinking session. He was beheaded three days later, outside of Norman Balon's Coach & Horses, Soho, London
On January 30th 1649 Following the execution of King Charles I, the Commonwealth of England, a republican form of government, duffs up and replaces the monarchy as the form of government of England and later of Scotland and Ireland. Members of the Long Parliament serve as government
Now We're Talking
March 19th 1649 The House of Commons of England passes an act abolishing the House of Lords, declaring that it is “useless and dangerous to the people of England”
November 1st 2016 Paul Vincent Lawford purchases a plastic thingamy jiggy for spinning things around and that. Fiskars have been making toss such as this since 1649 which makes you think, or not, doth it not?