100 Things I Love (Part 3)

 

11. I love stopping YouTube videos then shutting down my computer and leaving the house before the person in the video opens their mouth to start speaking or singing, just because I don't like the look of them.

I wish the real world had a similar facility that did not involve violence.

 

12. I love hearing that people who do things like climb mountains, or enjoy extreme sports, have killed themselves without endangering any rescuers or wasting the time of local medical services. Fuck those selfish bastards.

Rigor Mortis?

 

13. I love hearing my cats finally giving up whining and scratching at the bedroom door, as they finally realise once again that I am never, ever, ever, going to let them in, no matter what they want. Unless they are trying to tell me the house is on fire.

Look the kittie's head splits apart and then flames come shooting out. That's not right surely?

14. I love finding a secret beer stashed at the back of the fridge when I think we have no beer left and that I'll be forced to go out into the hot sun without having had a beer before going out to get more beer.

Pictured is an example, not actual product or my fridge.

 

15. I love the pitter patter of rain on windows. However in Andalusia when it rains it's like being trapped in a 40ft empty freight container left inside a Car Wash for a week, or living nextdoor to Enya.

 

 

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100 Things I Love (Part 2)

6. I love re-stringing my guitars. They jingle jangle with the promise of musical gold. Then I don't touch them for weeks because they's got a bad soul on the mofo tuning!

7. I love making pesto. There's so much basil crawling about here I feel compelled to make tons of the stuff. Then I quickly get sick of it. Most of it is given to friends to throw in their bins.

8. I love smelly unctuous French cheeses. I can never sleep afterwards. When I turn out the lights I can actually hear the cholesterol rumbling through my arteries like I'm trying to doze on the London Circle Line.

9. I love oysters. I only like eating them raw. It's Russian roulette with bivalve molluscs.

One day one of these fuckers is going to kill me but the thrill of it seems worth it. That which does not kill us makes us upchuck.

10. I love red wine but I cannot for the life of me remember the name of a single red wine that I could purchase 100% certain in the knowledge that I had tried it before and liked it. I am almost always disappointedly wrong.

 

I Feel Terrible I Look Terrible I’m Fifty Fucking Five

Yesterday was one of my Birthdays

It was early but the temperature was already climbing into the mid 30's so I switched on the garden misting thingy as the church bells rang out 8 AM.

 

Misty Buff

The bells reminded me of my dad's funeral who died at 55 on my 31st birthday. Note to self: I am still alive, don't get smug.

Bish Bash Bosh

I decided to make mayonnaise with garlic, alioli, sod Hellmanns. The picture is not the finished article, just the garlic you understand.

 

Time for A Latch Lifter

 

POV of feet and filthy kitchen floor, nice

I am wearing a Jellaba made from an old sheet. I feel and look like a psychedelic hammock: Pillock.

The Alioli is to go with this

for breakfast

I am not pictured, or am I?

A bit weird all this, as it was Fruits De Mer with Chablis and Alioli, which may originate from Provence, so it's bloody French. Still it's all in the EU init? Actually it felt oddly exotic. I might try Fish & Chips soon.

 

One is now, as I write this the next day, horribly hungover. After Brexifast I sauntered on to a swimming pool bar, and subsequently a series of drinking houses of questionable quality, finally arriving back at breakfast this very morning to another Latch Lifter.

 

I am now taking this for Gout

 

 

No Country For Old Vegetarians

A medieval craving led me to The Kebab House. As I waited the 20 seconds it takes to prepare a No.1 I had a look at the picture menu

Sin Verdira 0,50€ mas

Which translates as

No Vegetables 50p More

 

1649 And All That Toss

On January 27th 1649 King Charles I of England, Scotland and Ireland was found guilty of high treason at a public drinking session. He was beheaded three days later, outside of Norman Balon's Coach & Horses, Soho, London

Jolly Good

 

  • Quite Interesting

    On January 30th 1649 Following the execution of King Charles I, the Commonwealth of England, a republican form of government, duffs up and replaces the monarchy as the form of government of England and later of Scotland and Ireland. Members of the Long Parliament serve as government

    Now We're Talking

    March 19th 1649 The House of Commons of England passes an act abolishing the House of Lords, declaring that it is “useless and dangerous to the people of England”

November 1st 2016 Paul Vincent Lawford purchases a plastic thingamy jiggy for spinning things around and that. Fiskars have been making toss such as this since 1649 which makes you think, or not, doth it not?

 

Honey Makes Bees



The Crunchie Bar, for those who may not know of it, is a milk chocolate bar with a golden honeycombed centre (38%) Except that it isn't.


Look

Ingredients

  • Sugar,
  • Glucose Syrup,
  • Cocoa Butter,
  • Cocoa Mass,
  • Dried Skimmed Milk,
  • Dried Whey (from Milk),
  • Palm Oil,
  • Milk Fat,
  • Emulsifier (E442),
  • Flavourings,
  • Coconut Oil,
  • Milk Chocolate: Milk Solids 14 % minimum,
  • Contains Vegetable Fats in addition to Cocoa Butter

No honey what so ever

So with this in mind we set about foolishly making some real honeycomb confectionary muck with real honey, in a very real way.

Which could have looked like this

Here are Bees looking

for stuff to make honey

Making honey doesn't look like much fun. It looks like a lot of hard work for bugger-all reward. So, I imagine that when Bees can get away with it they just steal some from somewhere else and claim the credit. Even if they are misled.

Unbeknownst to ourselves a breed of these Lazy Bugger Bees detected the Taste of Honey and swarmed the kitchen.

I'm covered in Bees!

No madam I think you'll find

I'm covered in Bees!

Cadbury's probably took the honey out of the Crunchies to avoid Danger Of Death at the factories. Also honeycomb doesn't taste anywhere near as good made with real honey. Anyway, it's all in the bin now covered with dead Bees. I might try Cheesy Wotsit's next.

 

I awoke this morning to an International Incident

But please don't worry your pretty little heads it's just the name of a cocktail. As international Incidents go this one was quite sickening, but infinitely superior to Muesli muck.

There's a rather incitefull obsevation by R.D. Laing attached to the recipe.