Black Lace singer forced to perform ‘Agadoo’ for fellow inmates while serving prison sentence

“When these terrifying criminals tell you to do something you Agadoo’ it.”

The frontman and now fat bastard of the novelty Europlop act Black Lace has revealed that he was forced to repeatedly sing his group’s most famous song for his fellow inmates in the showers while serving a recent prison sentence.

Dene Michael Betteridge, who was an official member of the tragically still-active pop group between 1987 and 1991, recently served 10 weeks of a six-month sentence at HMP Leeds after fraudulently claiming £25,000 in benefits and for making one of the most shit records of all time.

“But these terrifying criminals tell you to Agadoo’ (sic) something you Agadoo’ it, so we had a conga of convicts snaking around the jail,” he explained. “They all seemed to find it hilarious and everyone joined in. It lifted the gloom somewhat. All the murderers and drug dealers wanted to be my mate, or boyfriend or something.”

“It was all the time, everyone wanted to sing ‘Agadoo’ with me. It was surreal singing the party song about pushing pineapples up arses and shaking one’s tree in such grim circumstances, but people were obsessed with me, they may have even fallen in love with me, which is quite flattering really. At night when we were all in our cells, the entire wing was singing in chorus: ‘
Agadoo doo doo’ you’re gonna get your fuckin’ ed kicked in.’ I thought the prison officers would be angry but they found it fucking hilarious.”

The 59-year-old had been claiming disability benefits after claiming that he couldn’t walk when in fact he is just tone deaf and dances like your dad’s boyfriend. He claimed he required a carer, despite giving live performances as Black Lace that involved “vigorous humiliating physical activity” on stage in front of as many as one hundred people per week. He also auditioned on The Voice, while last year he appeared in a Walker’s advert alongside Gary Lineker, which nobody remembers or cares about.