100 Things I Love (Part 6)

26. I love not having or owning children.

It was a choice I made early. The world doesn’t need another Half Of ME. 

Oddly, people always asume it was a choice and not the consequence of something else. 

Do what?

I have never been asked about my fertility. I’ll never know the answer.

So, I’m only responsible for myself and everything I say and do to the entire world.

27. I love shopping alphabetically. Food shopping can get dull.

So this week I am only buying things that start with the letter A.

You can lose weight on some letters. 

I also do it by packaging. Next week only tins, mnnn. 

Tins! Yes!

Oh Jesus

28. I love having my head scratched. 

Fingernails comb my brain stems into flowing streams of enlightened consciousness. 

I think pets are onto something.

 

Don’t

29. I love Custard. Not to eat, you crazy fools. I like playing with it. You get a bowl of the powder then add small amounts of water until is a very thick mud. Then you scoop some out and squeeze it. It magically turns into a solid. Then as you let it go it returns to a liquid, you can have hours of stoner fun.

Try it in wanky restaurants. 

30. I love looking for things to put in the Trash on my computer.

After a good forage I hit the empty Trash button and I feel as if I have lifted a small burden from the world’s digital shoulders.

Despite billions of dollars being spent to create English language versions of computer operating shitstems we still have American Trash instead of English Rubbish. 

Shovel this down your gullet you plonker

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100 Things I Love (Part5)

21. I love waking up as the sun rises, usually around dawn. My mind is always filled with ideas for songs, poems, film scripts, a cure for cancer, then I drift back to sleep and all is forgotten.

 

 Well, it depends on that dream doesn’t it 

Donald?

22. I love not having to work anymore: “The problem with not doing anything is you never get to take time off.” – Sebastian Horsley. 

Count how much money you have in your pocket then calculate the chances of living long enough to spend it.

23. I love Sebastian Horsley. He was such a dear friend and like all my dear friends I lose them. I hope not carelessly. 

R.I.P

24. I love going to other town bars a few miles away. The anonymity is thrilling. It is like a cloak of invisibility. I can sit alone in public, my name is not shouted at me. I am reborn nameless. I could try flip flops.

Do voyeurs like to be watched?

 

 

25. I love listening to film soundtracks on earbuds. The world is transformed. Crossing a road can become portentous, silly, ecstatic, deadly, pointless, but it is never just crossing the road.

 

 

“I’m using the chicken measure it”

100 Things I Love (Part 4)

16. I love seeing my wife smile. She does it every single day when she wakes up. On the rare occasion she doesn't, I check to make sure I'm at home.

17. I love watering the pitcher plants every morning.

 

As an unapologetic, if slightly guilty carnivore, I get some twisted comfort nurturing a vegetable that it eats meat.

 

Mummy is this where condoms come from?

18. I love the mirror in the bathroom. There is something wrong with it. It has some sort of distortion. If you move towards it you get thinner, if you move further away you get fatter. I'm not sure which distance is lying but I often squash my nose on it.

 

 

19. I love having a cold. Two full days is enough, any more than that and I know I'm dying.

 

 

20. I love finding out I have gained a day. For example I might think it's Wednesday only to find out that it is Tuesday. The reverse of this makes me feel I've been time burgled.

 

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100 Things I Love (Part 3)

 

11. I love stopping YouTube videos then shutting down my computer and leaving the house before the person in the video opens their mouth to start speaking or singing, just because I don't like the look of them.

I wish the real world had a similar facility that did not involve violence.

 

12. I love hearing that people who do things like climb mountains, or enjoy extreme sports, have killed themselves without endangering any rescuers or wasting the time of local medical services. Fuck those selfish bastards.

Rigor Mortis?

 

13. I love hearing my cats finally giving up whining and scratching at the bedroom door, as they finally realise once again that I am never, ever, ever, going to let them in, no matter what they want. Unless they are trying to tell me the house is on fire.

Look the kittie's head splits apart and then flames come shooting out. That's not right surely?

14. I love finding a secret beer stashed at the back of the fridge when I think we have no beer left and that I'll be forced to go out into the hot sun without having had a beer before going out to get more beer.

Pictured is an example, not actual product or my fridge.

 

15. I love the pitter patter of rain on windows. However in Andalusia when it rains it's like being trapped in a 40ft empty freight container left inside a Car Wash for a week, or living nextdoor to Enya.

 

 

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100 Things I Love (Part 2)

6. I love re-stringing my guitars. They jingle jangle with the promise of musical gold. Then I don't touch them for weeks because they's got a bad soul on the mofo tuning!

7. I love making pesto. There's so much basil crawling about here I feel compelled to make tons of the stuff. Then I quickly get sick of it. Most of it is given to friends to throw in their bins.

8. I love smelly unctuous French cheeses. I can never sleep afterwards. When I turn out the lights I can actually hear the cholesterol rumbling through my arteries like I'm trying to doze on the London Circle Line.

9. I love oysters. I only like eating them raw. It's Russian roulette with bivalve molluscs.

One day one of these fuckers is going to kill me but the thrill of it seems worth it. That which does not kill us makes us upchuck.

10. I love red wine but I cannot for the life of me remember the name of a single red wine that I could purchase 100% certain in the knowledge that I had tried it before and liked it. I am almost always disappointedly wrong.

 

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100 Things I Love

With so much negative scuzz happening I've decided to make a list of “One Hundred Things I Love.” How hard can it be? Let's find out. I will post the loves in small blasts. Please feel free to post yours.

1. I love the first alcoholic drink of the day. It can be anything, anywhere, anytime. It could even be before I wake up.

2. I love hot showers. My technique is to gradually reduce the temperature until it is almost unbearably cold then jump out, that way the room feels warm as I get dressed

3. I love choosing shoes. I choose shoes first and then work upwards to create the outfit. The shoes determine whether or not I am staying out or going in. The shoes rule. I have a lot of different shoes. None are for walking.

4. I love browsing through recipe books.

They inspire me to try new ways of boiling eggs, cutting toast, photographing butter. I usually end up going out for a Kebab.

5. I love cheering all the retards as they shout my name on the street, as if I didn't know it already.

 

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R.I.P Ghosts

Just when I thought I could not be stopped

When my chance came to be king

The ghosts of my life

Blew wilder than before

Words David Sylvian

Music Japan

 

Here is a shot from a promotional photo shoot I did with Mick Karn (Japan) Almost a year before we teamed up with Peter Murphy (Bauhaus)

(Ha ha, that troublesome pocket flap was the least of my problems)

 

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